Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Corn is a vegetable, right?

No, actually corn is a grain. But I like to tell myself it’s a vegetable because it’s just about the only one my kids will eat. Well, they do eat tomato sauce on their pizza and in their spaghetti, so at least they’re getting some veggie power there. What? Oh crap. That’s right. Tomatoes are a fruit. So let’s see…I guess just about the only vegetable they will eat is a potato. It still counts if it’s fried, right?

Last year I saw an episode of “the Oprah Winfrey Show” featuring Jessica Seinfeld and her new book, “Deceptively Delicious”. Her book features family-friendly recipes that are healthy because you sneak vegetable purees into them. Her kids loved it! Jerry Seinfeld loved it! Oprah loved it! Chocolate brownies made with carrot and spinach purees that still taste good? Well then I would love it too! Chocolate Chip Cupcakes with pumpkin and yellow squash purees? I was giddy with excitement just thinking about all the ways that I was going to give my kids their veggies! But sneaky me, they would never know it! “Mommy of the Year Award”, here I come!

I went out and bought the book the next day. The recipes look simple and quick, the pictures make the food look mouth-watering, and most of the ingredients are stuff I have in my own pantry. Except for the vegetable purees. No problem. Jessica said she plans her meals in advance and she and Jerry spend every Sunday night steaming a week’s worth of veggies, then pureeing them and putting them in little Ziploc baggies. She said it gave them time together to bond, and they would talk about their week. Huh. Healthy food for my family, and bonding time with my husband? Check, and check!

I pictured us tucking our little angels into bed on Sunday nights, then going down to our kitchen hand-in-hand. Bill would say to me, “Time to puree the cauliflowers and butternut squash, my love.” Then he would gaze longingly into my eyes as I leaned over the steamer basket and I would say, “Plug in the food processor, snookums, time to puree the beets.” Well, maybe that’s a little exaggeration, but you get the idea.

I wish I could tell you that her recipes are as delectable as they look, but unfortunately I have not made a single one. Zero. It’s not that I don’t like to cook. I really enjoy cooking, and do it several times a week. But the puree thing was far beyond my realm of effort. Jessica’s book is wonderful, and I’m sure her recipes are too. But the thing I think she forgot to mention was that her staff had already folded and put away all her laundry, vacuumed her house, swept the floors, and made the children’s school lunches for the next day. When she is done pureeing all her vegetables, someone else comes in to clean up the mess in the morning. It works for the Seinfelds, but it doesn’t work for us.

The last thing I want to do on a Sunday night, (or any night for that matter) is puree carrots. Or red peppers. Or sweet potatoes. I am proud of myself if I remember to take off my makeup or brush my teeth before I pass out in my bed. So Jessica, can you please do us lazy moms a favor and market and sell your own purees? That way our kids get the veggies, and we get more sleepy time. Sleepy time is good. I guess I could just use baby food as the purees, but unfortunately they don’t make cauliflower and red pepper purees.

I guess if I had some “people” then I could tap into this idea and its extraordinary money-making potential for lazy moms everywhere, but alas, I am “people”-less.

For now I will stick to my old ways of bribing my kids to eat their veggies. “Asparagus makes your pee smell! Let’s see if that’s true!” (If you have a boy, they will fall for this. At least once.)

We were eating broccoli with our pasta recently, and I said to Bill (rather loudly so the kids would hear it), “I love broccoli, but I probably shouldn’t eat too much of it because it makes me sooooo gassy. I just don’t want to fart too much tonight.” Well apparently those words are like poetry to a young boy! I looked over and saw my three guys munching on…

Broccoli.

1 comment:

  1. Too funny! A good friend of mine and I also saw that Oprah episode. She bought the book which I borrowed. I made a few of the recipes which were really not that great so you are not missing anything. Some of the recipes you could still see "the green" aka spinach which totally turned off my kids. I actually still have some puree in my freezer that just needs to be pitched, waste of time and money!

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