Thursday, October 29, 2009

Trick-or-treating tonight? Yeah. Not so much.


So what kind of mom takes away trick-or-treating from her kids?

This mom.


But it had to be done.

Tough love sucks.

So...tonight is the "official" trick-or-treat night for most of the towns and suburbs here in our metropolitan area, even though it's only Thursday, October 29. Luckily, our suburb has trick-or-treating on the actual day of Halloween. Huh. Imagine that. Who would think to actually trick-or-treat on Halloween? Shocking, indeed.

My sister's nearby town has it tonight, so I told my kids that we could go trick-or-treating there for a little bit. They were more than excited for two nights of Halloween candy, and Bill and I were looking forward to spending some time with my sister and brother-in-law, since they are eagerly awaiting the birth of their first baby...oh...about any second now.

But then a shitstorm happened. And we had to shut it all down.

I try not to use obscenities or swear words in this blog. But sometimes, no matter how hard I try to search for the perfect word to accurately describe a situation, sometimes the perfect word just happens to be a swear word.

Thesaurus? Can you fix my potty mouth?

So yeah. A shitstorm happened. As in: a storm-o-shitty behavior that rips through the house like a hurricane. Or a tsunami. And threatens to destroy everything in its path with its colossal terribleness. Things may get broken or thrown. Kids are punished. It's a cacophony of tantrums, if you will. Just imagine if every child in your house (whether you have one child or 18 children) was on their worst behavior, all at the same time.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, a shitstorm.

And we had a big 'un here tonight.

They're kind of like the apocalypse.

Well, not really. Now I'm just being dramatic.

Anyhoo, they don't happen very often, but when they do, I'm all, Calgon take me away. Like now. Pretty please?

I'm not sure what even started it. The kids were a bit grumpy and tired today anyway. Maybe it was because of the eight tons of crappy, refined sugars they consumed yesterday on George's birthday, a.k.a. Junk Food Day 2009. Maybe there's a full moon tonight. Maybe the earth is off its axis. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

I'll spare you the glorious deets. I'm sure you've been there. Bad behavior. Warning, warning, warning. Blah. Blah. Blah. Kids thinking you're bluffing. You reminding yourself that you have to be strong and stay consistent. You can't issue warnings you have no intention of carrying out. Don't go writing checks your ass can't cash.

All that I know is that I was fed. up. Bill was fed. up. He suggested that we pull the plug on trick-or-treating entirely.

One minute I was all, "Hey kids! Let's be good and get ready to go trick-or-treating at Aunt Cettie's! It's going to be fun!" (Kids fighting, screaming, calling each other stupid-heads)

Then the next minute I was all, "Well, hello there check, my ass has endorsed you, and is now ready to cash you."

And that, fair readers, was how Pre-Halloween 2009 got blown up. Shut down.

For reals.

I guess it was easy for us to make that decision, because it's not really Halloween tonight. We still have the real one to look forward to on Saturday. But it's hard sometimes to stick to my guns, and be the meanie.

But it had to be done.

And I don't regret it.

Bill and I don't mind being the bad guys, if it means teaching them a lesson. We love these kids. They are everything to us.

But still.

It sucks sometimes.

I wanted to have fun with them tonight. Instead, I'm the Mayor of Punishment City.

This job is hard.

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