I had the most riveting conversation today with two college-age girls at Target.
As you are well aware, Target is my jam. My boo. My home base. My happy place.
Target completes me.
I was in the kids' shoe aisle with my 3-year old daughter, checking out adorable summer sandals by Miss Trish of Capri. We came across a saucy little pair of lime green thong sandals with a strap in the back and a hot pink flower in the middle. I tried to find a picture for you, but to no avail. All this cuteness could be my daughter's for a mere $16.99.
Oh Target. You go. You get down with your bad self.
Anyway, my daughter loved these shoes in theory, and she squealed in delight when I mentioned that she could try them on to see if they fit. But alas, it was not meant to be. Three-year olds do not like things between their toes, and she complained the entire 34.7 seconds she had them on her feet.
Goodbye cute sandals.
As I was taking the sandals off her feet, the aforementioned two college-age girls rounded the corner. I guess they were about 19-21 years old. Ish.
They took one look at the sandals, and they both let out a simultaneous, "AWWWW!!!" over the cuteness of said footwear.
Girl #1 said, "O. M. G.! HOW. BANGIN'. CUTE. ARE. ALL. THESE. KIDS'. SHOES?!?"
Do people actually say O. M. G.? Out loud? Not just in a text? Dang. I feel old. And B. T. W.? Bangin' cute is now my new favorite phrase. Shame on me for never realizing that cute could also be bangin'.
Girl #2: "YES. THEY. ARE!!!! Oh! I want a kid! Look at all this cute stuff!"
At this point, I swiveled my head in their direction and smiled.
You want a kid because of all this cute stuff at Target? Seriously? Target has inspired you that much? I'm not laughing with you, girls. I'm laughing at you.
Girl #1: "I know, right? This stuff is like waaaay cute."
Girl #2: "How old is your baby?"
Well, ladies. When they can walk and talk and try on sandals and say their name, then they're not actually babies anymore. But yes, by all means. You should totally, like, get one. A baby. Like totally. Because of the stuff.
"She just turned three years old in February." I responded.
Both girls: "Awwww!!! She's like so cute."
Ahhh....to be young and blissful, and to overuse the word "like" without a care in the world.
Girl #1: "You are so lucky! You get to buy all this stuff! Don't you just love it?"
Like totally. After you buy the much-desired kids' shoes and clothing, then you might also want to pop on over to the Health and Beauty section and pick up some Preparation H and breast pads. You know. If you decide to get one of these new-fangled things called a "baby". Because you'll need them. Just an FYI.
"Yeah. I love shopping for my kids! It's a lot of fun." I said, reigning in my inner snark.
Girl #2: "What's her name?"
Oh. By the way, while you're over in Health and Beauty, head on over to the cleaning supplies area and pick up some carpet cleaning chemicals and some Lysol. You know. For when they barf on you. In the middle of the night. Just when you thought they were sleeping. And not sick.
Girl #1: "Awww...I love her name! That is totally one of the names that I wanna use some day!"
After you buy some cleaning supplies, head on over the baby section and get one of everything. Except for diapers and wipes. You'll need more than one each of those. Buy a bunch. Fill up a cart, in fact. The whole lot will set you back at least a few thousand bucks, but no worries. Everything is like so totally bangin' cute.
Girl #1: (kneels down and got in my daughter's face) "Hi, sweetie! I like your green shirt for St. Patrick's Day! Nice to meet you!"
My daughter: (puffs up her chest with pride) "My shirt is green."
The "baby" speaks! It's a St. Patrick's Day miracle.
Both girls: "AWWWWW!!! SHE'S SO CUTE!!!"
Wow. It doesn't take much to get an"Awww" out of you girls. All she said was, "My shirt is green." You should hear her when actually has a conversation. Then again, forget it. You might have an 'Awww!!!' attack. Or you might, 'Awww!!!' yourselves to death.
Girl #1: "Well it was nice to meet you!"
Both girls turned the corner and continued into the womens' shoe section and I overheard one of them say to the other, "So, like, what time are we meeting everyone at [local bar] tonight?!?"
Oh, one more thing. If you get your desired accessory, a baby, they don't babysit themselves. So you can just kiss that evening at [local bar] good-bye. Unless you get a babysitter, which will set you back about 10 bucks an hour. But don't stay out too late, because Mommy + Hangover + Baby = Not Fun.
"I'm so glad the weather is so nice! It's gonna be so much fun tonight!"
Yes, ladies. You are soooo ready for a baby.