Thursday, May 27, 2010

It's nursery rhyme time, yo.

It's nursery rhyme week at preschool!

Nursery rhymes are the bomb, yo.

What a catchy little ditty! Jumping over candlesticks rocks! However, you best be nimble while doing it, or you'll get burned.

Burned bad, yo.

Check out Old King Cole. He was a merry old soul, yo.

Don't knock it. Everyone has their thing. I relax with a little reality television, and this dude likes to smoke while listening to some chill fiddlers.

By the way, kids, smoking kills.

How about this chick? Department of Family Services, there's no need to do a home visit on this lady. Everything is just A-OK with her.

What is a gal to do? Come on now, my house smells like a stinky shoe some days, but to have to actually live in one? Sister, that's just tough.

To clarify, was it a pump? A boot? A stiletto? A sensible flat?

And kids can survive on butter, broth, and bread, right? As long as you kiss them sweetly before you send them to bed, it's all good.

Check out this one. It's the first rap song ever written. True story.

Just make sure you're beat boxing when you read it. Pick up those sticks and set them straight, yo.

Or how about Jack and Jill? Poor dudes fell down that hill. All because they wanted to fetch a pail of water.

Awww. I bet a broken crown really smarts. I'm sure it left a mark. I hope they have good health insurance.

Ladybug, Ladybug, what's up? Have you been hitting the clubs? It's called child neglect, and it's illegal, Ladybug.

Okay. It's officially time to call Department of Family Services.

I can't decide what's more disturbing, the fact that this writer thought that "home" and "alone" rhyme, or that fact that this little ditty turned into a children's nursery rhyme.

Such a conundrum.

But don't you love how my boy drew this sweet little picture of two ladybugs essentially being roasted alive, scared and alone in a house while their mom is off partying in the meadow with a Dudebug? I love how the flames engulf the whole roof, so there is no possible means of escape.

Warms my heart, I tell ya. Warms my heart.

Do you think the writer of this nursery rhyme had mommy issues?

Just a thought.

1 comment:

  1. How did I miss THIS one?
    That is funny, funny stuff. Nursery rhymes are seriously sketchy, dude. They say people today are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs????


Can we talk? Don't be shy. I'd love to hear what you have to say.