Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Who knew there were so many levels of annoying?

In less than six days, the school bell will ring, signaling the start of the 2010-11 school year.

I'm a little sad about this.

Except for when I'm not.

Like right now.

I know I'm going to miss these kids when they are gone for seven hours out of the day. But just when I go getting all nostalgic about it, one of them calls the other one a poopyhead, a fight ensues, someone starts crying, and I literally start counting the minutes until August 25th at 8:00 a.m.

Really. It's stunning how they have managed to invent new levels of annoying. Just when I thought they've mastered all the Levels of Annoying, much like they have mastered all the levels of Mario Party 8, they go and spring a new level on me, throwing me off my game.

Well played, kids.

Well played.

For instance, I was recently introduced to Level 267, also known as, "Sucker Punch Your Brother In His Junk Just Because You Can And Then Run Out Of The Room And Hide But Soon Start Crying Because WHADDYA KNOW ABOUT THAT, Your Brother Found You And Retaliated By Punching You In Your Junk As Payback."

Or how about Level 278? "Let's Play Tag At Target In The School Supply Section And Almost Knock Over A Display, And When We Tag Each Other We Will Shout, 'No Tagbacks!' For All To Hear."

This Level comes with the added feature of the stink eye from fellow Target customers. I mustered up all the courage I could to NOT go cry underneath a rack of Merona.

Level 278 is, of course, not to be confused with Levels 279 and 280, known as, "Let's Play Tag At CVS" and "Let's Play Tag At The Grocery Store" respectively.

The current bane of my existence is also known as Level 292, or "Let's Ask Mom If We Can Play The Wii/Outside/Computer/Watch Another TV Show And If She Says, 'No,' Ask Again. And If She Says, 'No,' Ask Again. And If She Says, 'No,' Ask Again. And If She Says, 'No,' Ask Again. And If She Says, 'No,' Ask Again. And If She Says 'No,' Ask Again."

Because of Level 301, I have found myself at the grocery store more than usual. Do you know this level? "Let's Snack And Snack And Snack And Snack And Snack All The Live Long Day And Then Complain That We Are Still Hungry."

Perhaps you think I am a mean mother for calling my kids out on their annoying habits.

But we're all annoying.

My kids told me that I yell too much lately. But guess what, kids?!?

I yell because you are being annoying.

Duh.

It's not like I don't have annoying habits. I do. Just ask my husband. He finds it very annoying that when I buy a new bag of cheese-flavored Chex Mix I only eat the cheesy Chex pieces, and I leave him the rest, which is just a few pretzels and cheese crackers. Unless I'm eating regular Chex Mix. Then I just pick out the Chex pieces and the melba toast, and leave the rest of the mix in the bag for others to salvage, Chex-less and melba-less.

Or, when I eat Rice Krispies, I have to maintain maximum crispiness by only pouring enough Krispies to be covered by a thin layer of milk. My husband is continually baffled by this and is supremely annoyed as he watches me pour Krispies and milk, Krispies and milk, Krispies and milk about 20 times into the bowl instead of just one big bowl, one time. But if I poured myself one big bowl of Rice Krispies, then most of the Krispies would be soggy at the bottom of the bowl by the time I got around to eating them.

Duh.

But he is not perfect either. I absolutely, positively CANNOT STAND to hear my husband chew peanut butter on bread, especially if it is on a bagels. Bagels are extra chewy, as you know, and just the sound of all that smacking and chewing just SETS MY NERVES OFF. It's like, DUDE. JUST TAKE A BITE, CHEW QUIETLY AND MOVE ON. MUST I HEAR THE PLAY BY PLAY OF THE BAGEL IN YOUR MOUTH?

So I leave the room when the poor man decides to eat his beloved peanut butter on a bagel.

Because I'm a giver like that.

Good thing for my kids, I adore them, despite the Levels of Annoying.

Fortunately, their overall awesomeness outweighs their annoying-ness.

Here's to enjoying and savoring what's left of summer.

4 comments:

  1. Nothing like a good junk punching to get moms excited for school. Yay boys!

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  2. Our Summer 2010 Mantra of Annoying has been:
    Her: I'm bored.
    Me: Let's go do X, Y and Z!
    Her: Nah, I don't want to. You can go without me.

    Her: I'm hungry.
    Me: Why don't you have X, Y and Z?
    Her; Nah, I'll fix something later.

    I've decided any sentence that starts with "I'm..." whatever, is best to assume it's just a rhetorical statement requiring no response.

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  3. I can so relate to this post - Thank you!

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  4. dude...seriously, soooo funny....hard to keep my self contained. i can relate to all of it - love it! Robyn

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