Wednesday, April 6, 2011

A political rant, if you will.

As you know, this is not a political blog.

Yes, I have strong political convictions, but I've just never been inspired to air them out here on my little corner of the internet, mostly because I'm not exactly one to court controversy. After all, you have your stance, and I have mine. Maybe it's the same stance as yours, or maybe it's polar opposite. Regardless, if you're looking for a political rant, you're not going to find one here.

Until today.

Our federal government here in the good old U-S-of-A is on the verge of shutting down, all because the powers-that-be on both sides of the aisle have decided to ball up their fists and stomp their feet and whine like children who just can't compromise and play nicely, which is a situation that I witness in my home on a daily basis, what with me being Queen of the Occasionally Disagreeable Shorties and all.

To which I say to the government, (just as I would say to a group of children) "Figure it out, kids. Agree and move along. None of you are going to get your way completely, so work it out. WORK. IT. OUT."

If only they could all learn to play nicely.

Of course, all this talk of government and its importance in our daily lives has me thinking of the school roller-skating party two weeks ago.

Yes, roller-skating.

Buckle up. It's tangent time.

Twice a year, the school my children attend hosts a skating party at the local rink. If you haven't been roller-skating since acid-washed jeans were all the rage, and The Pointer Sisters were doin' the Neutron Dance, then let me tell you that you are missing out.

Missing out, you guys.

Because you know you wanna.

Even the future Queen of England, Kate Middleton, loves a little roller action.

"Check it out! My moves snagged me a prince!"
You know you want to tie a pair of clunky, leather, four-wheeled skates onto your feet, glide across industrial grade carpeting to reach the edge of a wooden floor, and tentatively jump into the flow of skate traffic as the sounds of Ludacris pump over the loudspeakers.

You know you wanna.

And if you don't wanna?

Then you? Are a more mature person than I. Because once I am at the rink, all for "the sake of the kids", of course, I am 12 again. The smells of a skating rink are roughly the same as they were back in 1986, and I realize that although the music is different, the clothing is less acid-washed, and the fads have changed, some things stay the same. The smell is a potent combination of, in no particular order, pizza, feet, slushies, popcorn, and stinky shoes.


Well, kind of.
Still clunky, still fun. Germaphobes need not apply.
But it wasn't until last week, as the kids and I were on our way out the door after the school party was over, that a huge sign caught my eye.

How did I never know this?

Check it out! The government has roller skating laws! To make it all official-like, they even have fancy-schmancy, "Sections" too! Power to the roller skaters!

Do the bowlers know about this? What about the ice skaters?

Equal opportunity, yo.

Of course I know there are small business laws and big business laws. Road laws and air traffic laws. Contract law and family law. Laws, laws, laws. They exist to protect us.

And now? The humble roller skater is protected. Finally, respect for the rollers.


Perhaps there are roller skating lobbyists devoted to the cause, and they look like this:

"Listen up, politicians! Roller skaters have rights too!"
Of course, they only wear their very best legwarmers when testifying before Congress.

The United States government simply cannot shut down. It cannot. What about the baby roller skaters? Who will protect them? Who will stand up for their roller skating rights?

The children. They are our future.

The baby roller skating children, that is.

Crack the whip, or skate backwards. Do whatever floats your boat.

Just don't go breaking any roller skating laws. Or...


Well, I don't know exactly what happens.

Is there a roller skating jail? Because if the government doesn't shut down, they totally need to get on that.

First things first, government. First things first.


  1. For the first time in history, last year's Congress didn't even vote on a budget, let alone pass one. They were busy with other things *ahem*healthcare*ahem* and so now there's no budget but still enough budget to pay for Congress and POTUS.

  2. That baby picture kicks a**! And dude, I so still have rollerskates. And they fit. What?!

  3. Ridic. I've always said mommies should be running Washington. We have the ability to put our foot down and make sure everyone plays nice. It's embarrassing.

  4. Those rollerskating babies are hilarious! I haven't been in years, but it was so much fun!

  5. Love your blog, all of it. :) I've skated since I was able to walk. Our family owns a roller skating rink. So much fun!

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